This has nothing to do with technology or anything in particular. I was rummaging through my old documents folder and stumbled across something I had written many years ago that made me laugh.

Background: It was after a corporate to-do in which we were assigned teams named after tribes. Ours was called the Tatapa tribe. Other pertinent information: this was in Calgary which is (relatively) close to the Mackenzie River. And one of the members of our team was named Chris McPhee.

Tatapa tribe are we
A hearty bunch as you can see
Full of spirit and integrity
Yes, a noble group the Tatapa tribe be

A noble tribe with a long and rich history
So gather round and listen to me
As I relate our grand past to thee
So that thou may learn and like Tatapa be

Our tribe dates back many a century
Back to the year 26 B.C.
When a band of settlers traversed the country
Settling on a location near present-day Calgary
Settlers numbering thirty-three

Thirty-three men of integrity
Led by a noble group of three
Our namesake, Tatapa, and his wife, Baji

And the noblest of all, the noblest of the three
And of the settlers numbering thirty-three
A friend to Tatapa and his wife Baji
Our beloved founder: Humpwhiffle Horseradish McGee

They travelled to the mountains, to a peaceful valley
Carved by a river they named the River McGee
(Which was later claimed by some twerp named Mackenzie)

But back then, it was the mighty McGee
Named by Tatapa and his wife Baji
In honour of their friend, Humpwhiffle McGee

It was there that they settled, there in the valley
The thirty-three men of integrity
With Tatapa, Baji, and Humpwhiffle McGee
To lead the settlers, and thus to be free

So the settlers and their leaders three
Tamed the land and the River McGee
(Later claimed by that twit Mackenize)
And set up shop there in the valley
The very first industry the west did see

And what was it the west did see?
What was the profound industry?
The industry set up by McGee?
Stop asking questions and you will see

McGee set up a brothel, there in the valley
As grand a brothel as you ever did see
(Well, as grand as you get for 26 B.C.)
A brothel at the mouth of the River McGee
(I hate that bastard Mackenzie)

And so, Humpwhiffle McGee was filled with glee
Glee at the brothel on the River McGee
Glee at the money it would bring for he
He and his merry band of thirty-three
Thirty-three men of integrity

Well, the astute reader will plainly see
Thirty-three men does not a brothel be
Thirty-three men of integrity
And no one else as far as the eye could see
There at the brothel on the River McGee
Thirty-three men, alone in the valley
Alone with Tatapa’s wife, the chaste Baji
Thirty-three men of integrity

For Tatapa was away quite frequently
Fishing for food in the River McGee
And Baji would often get quite lonely
Did I say thirty-three men of integrity?
I meant thirty-three men of tenacity

So the tribe did thrive to 2001 A.D.
(Thanks, in no small part, to Baji
And the thirty-three men of tenacity)

And even today, you will see
We adhere to the same tenacity
(Though not quite to the same degree)
And in a pinch, we can fake integrity

There are those of you who question my honesty
You say to yourself, How can this be?
Thirty-three men of questionable integrity?
A man named Tatapa and his chaste wife Baji?
A leader named Humpwhiffle Horseradish McGee?
I don’t buy it. You’re lying to me.

Well, believe what you might I say to thee
Believe what you truly believe to be.
But let me take you back to 26 B.C.
To a cool night in mid-February
To a room in the brothel on the River McGee
(If I ever lay my hands on that Mackenzie)

Tatapa was away as he was quite frequently
Fishing along the River McGee
Baji, on this night, was feeling quite randy
As was our founder, Humpwhiffle McGee

And nine months later was born a baby
Born to Tatapa’s wife Baji
But not to Tatapa (although that’s what he did see)
Born in secret to Humpwhiffle McGee

And on that night early 26 B.C.
After the boy was born to Baji
Humpwhiffle said, My dearest Baji.
There is something I must confess to thee

What is it? What troubles thee?
My name is not Humpwhiffle Horseradish McGee, said he,
I changed it when I was not much older than three

Baji looked at her leader incredulously
But why? Why did you change it? asked she
Humpwhiffle looked at his feet dejectedly
The children would laugh. The children would tease me.
They thought my old name was funny.

Baji replied, "No. That can not be.
How could they laugh at one as noble as thee?"
"But they did laugh. They laughed at me.
They taunted and mocked and ridiculed me.
But not when I became Humpwhiffle Horseradish McGee."

Humpwhiffle wrapped his arms ‘round Baji
And sobbed for an hour until no tears had he
"Are you ashamed? Are you ashamed of me?

I lied to thee

I am not the man you think of me

I am not the noble Humpwhiffle Horseradish McGee"

Baji stroked his head tenderly
Cry no more, my noble McGee.
For I will name our son after thee
After the true name of Humpwhiffle Horseradish McGee
So that the future will know of thee
And know what you brought to this valley
This grand brothel on the River McGee

So what does this have to do with me?
What bearing does it have in 2001 A.D.?

Well, that child, the child that was born to Baji
The boy that bore the true name of Humpwhiffle Horseradish McGee
His ancestors live on right here in Calgary
They live among us, among you and me
The ancestors of Humpwhiffle Horseradish McPhee

 

When I initially posted this, Chris was quick with a response:

I did not know Humpwhiffle, and he didn't know me,
For he lived long ago, in 26 B.C.
But it wasn't Horseradish who visited Baji,
On that fateful night by the River McGee,
If my sources are right (and why shouldn't they be),
It was one of the locals called Haberdash Baley!