One of the highlights of DevTeach last week was meeting Ayende for the first time, albeit fleetingly. But it was enough for Bil Simser and me to form a theory that bears consideration. And it's one that will probably put me at great personal risk should it be true but such is the sacrifice I'm willing to make for the community:

Ayende Rahien is an android

I know what you're thinking. Shock at first. Maybe a little indignation. But now your considering your own experience with him and there's a little nod of recognition, isn't there. A bit of "hmmm...that would explain it", yesno? How many times have you read about some coding prowess he's done and thought, "man, that guy ain't human"?

Let's consider the evidence:

  • Seemingly codes more than is possible in a 24-hour day even assuming he doesn't sleep
  • He doesn't sleep
  • The code ranges from good to stellar (depending on how much power remains in his batteries)
  • His low, monotone voice
  • The way he pauses while he talks under the guise of "well, English is not my first language".
  • Constantly asks for explanation of English colloquialisms (particularly during conversations with Scott Belware)
  • 3000 posts in three years
  • Goes by a pseudonym because of some super-secret military reason. (The name originates from a series called The Wheel of Time so I'm working on a corollary that he's from the future, too.)
  • Finally, if you watch him closely, you'll notice he never blinks

So what do we, as a development community, do about this information? Nothing. He was clearly created for the purpose of good. Or rather, if Hollywood is as accurate as I believe it to be, he was created for evil, gained sentience, and decided to use his power to better mankind to make up for his past transgressions. Perhaps, under the command of his brilliant-but-demented creator, he was responsible for all the brackets in Lisp or something equally nefarious. Now that I think about it, this would explain APL.

The point is: he is here to help humankind and we should encourage him to continue about his business. But keep an eye on him in case his eyes start glowing red which, as Hollywood has again taught us, is the universal sign of an android gone bad.

Kyle the Theorist