So I'm going through my monthly ritual of removing enough inserts from my Wired magazine to repaper my walls when one of them catches my eye. It's on brown paper with the caption "Nature is not's essential."

I'm used to these in Wired because the magazine is full of similar ads from companies that are desperate to convince you that their sole purpose is to atone for the rest of humankind's cold heartless treatment of the Earth. And if they make a little money on the side, well, gee, thanks a bunch but they weren't really expecting a reward.

This particular ad was for cigarettes. I had to read the whole thing to verify that: a) yes, it was for cigarettes, and b) no, I hadn't accidentally received an issue of Mad magazine by mistake.

After verifying that they were serious, I proceeded to enjoy several good chuckles at their expense. Here are some quotes:

  • made with 100% certified organic tobacco
  • the additive-free alternative (notice the lack of a "c" in "additive" because I'm sure many people didn't)
  • No additives in our tobacco does NOT mean a safer cigarette (emphasis theirs)

And this entire paragraph which is abso-smurfly priceless:

In our effort to create exceptional products in a thoughtful and sustainable way, we've pioneered our own earth-friendly and organic tobacco growing programs and committed to renewable energy sources, including wind power and reforestation.

On a tobacco ad! Isn't that pure gold? Wind power! Reforestation! Earth-friendly! These are clearly people of integrity to want to save the Earth so badly that they're willing to sacrifice your life to do so. And you have to give them credit for being able to use the word "sustainable" in a cigarette ad without cracking a smile.

On a final note, on the back of the ad was the following quotation: "Do you know what you're smoking?" Which, appropriately enough, is a variation on: "What the &*%$ are you smoking?"