I think I’ve been here long enough that I think I’m justified in starting a list of rules for living in the Bahamas. I’d like to say this will be the first in a series but I don’t want to commit to anything just yet. So we’ll start slowly. The subject of this post will be:

 Rule One: Shake It Out Before Putting It On

The impetus for this rule arose yesterday, apparently to counter the positive aspects of living in the Bahamas (let’s look at that picture once again, shall we:)

So anyway, as I got out of the shower and unwrapped my towel, this Flaming Cockroach of Death leapt at me, with a cry of "LONG LIVE THE GLORIOUS COCKROACH REBELLION AGAINST THE GREAT SUBURBAN BOURGEOIS OPPRESSOR SWINE-PIG!" And lucky me, I’ve inherited my mother’s tolerance for bugs. So, naked, dripping wet, and doing my best to pronounce b, I ran from the bathroom to be comforted by my loving wife who always knows what to say to make me feel better (in this case: “Shut the &%$ up, I’m trying to sleep!”). Fearing another attack if I got another towel, I eventually dried myself off with Sydney’s toothbrush.

Corollary to Rule One: Flush Before Sitting (and I SHAN’T elaborate)

Two other items of interest just to keep you on your toes. It has become clear that I am not meant to keep animals penned up. I’ve already accepted this with Tiger and Smudge and we’ve come to a tentative arrangement where they agree to leave the yard only after dusk and I agree to research British common law with regards to lawsuits from people who have been bitten by dogs.

But you may recall that we have another pet, a bird named Tweety. One day, two weeks ago, while ma and pa were visiting, Dad was kind enough to point out that Tweety’s cage (which we normally leave on the patio during the day to taunt Tweety with other birds who aren’t so immobile) appeared to be missing its key tenant. After fingerprinting, a full spectral analysis, and using the keen observation that the cage door was open, we determined that he had lifted his cage door and flown out.

The only natural course of action was to buy a new bird, of course. We waited over a week though and after six or seven days, Syd finally noticed the cage wasn’t quite as bird-y as it usually was. I wasn’t about to launch into a speech on the importance of taking care of your pets so I did what any parent would do: I outright lied to my child and said Tweety was at the vet’s getting a bath. A great line, by the way, ‘cause when Syd grew suspicious that the new bird looked different, I just said, “well maybe we should have bathed him earlier”.

Second item of note: the software that runs this little online oratorium has a feature that lets me see who is linking to it. Once in a while, I browse through it and it’s usually search engines searching for something obscure that I’ve written about (e.g. DefCon Five, Air Canada Customer Reviews, Massage Therapists in Bahamas). This morning, I notice that someone is searching Google for “alpacas mating”. Nice to know we’re reaching our target audience.