Phew! January 12 already. Where DOES the time go? Apparently not to the Bahamian postal service judging by the rate our Christmas cards are starting to pour in.

So Liza and Syd are still in Canada. Haven’t heard much from them. A few days ago, Syd seemed in good spirits on the phone. I tried the age-old parental trick of trying to gauge how much she missed me but it backfired, as it always does. To add insult to injury, she started crying when I mentioned Tweety, our bird, and passed the phone off to Dolly, her aunt and publicist, who informed me that she wasn’t taking anymore calls until Tweety’s whereabouts and good health could be confirmed and arrangements could be made to smuggle him up to Canada in a crate of rum cake.

Not one to let daddy’s ego recuperate, Syd called again last night in tears because she saw a bird on TV and it got her going again on this stupid yellow ball of feathers that she never plays with when she’s home. My response was, “He’s fine. Honey, I’m just cleaning his cage in the bathroom and he’s”-- *FLUSH* -- “oops! Ummm…Ihavetogosweetieloveyoubye”. Let’s see how her five-year-old psyche handles some friendly mind games with daddy.

Liza’s shopping list while in “The Village” includes a digital video camera about which I’m very excited. Now I’ll have cryptically names videos spread across three computers to go with the gigabytes of images with names like “IMG_7946.jpg”. Funny how the marketing for digital cameras no longer includes phrases like, “No more searching through volumes of pictures looking for the right one". Liza’s also planning to bring down some Tim Horton’s coffee but she’ll probably have to smuggle it in with a carton of cocaine to throw off the dogs.

So what am I doing to pass the time? Well, a few nights ago, I caught the last half of a recent horror movie on HBO. It was the most amazing thing. I was absolutely mesmerized by its idiocy. I actually felt myself get more and more stupid the longer I watched. I was genuinely concerned that I wouldn't be able to perform basic motor skills by the time it was over. It became a personal vendetta to watch it to its conclusion and still be able to communicate in a reasonable manner with Sydney.

It was a tough battle. I actually flinched in pain with every moronic death scene. The acting winded me and the dialogue has left permanent scars but I persevered! Then, with my strength hanging by a thread, they tried to finish me off with a "twist" ending that was as unpredictable as a Roadrunner cartoon. And I have to admit, I considered taking my own life but then lo! The credits rolled and I was saved! A shadow of my former self, but alive nonetheless.

So yeah, I’m a little bored.