So the Bahamian Hillbilly has moseyed on up to Calgary for the holidays for a few weeks of festive cheer. Came up on West Jet's brand new Nassau-TO flight and it's nice to see they still get their flight attendants from Stepford. Despite being unnaturally friendly, their attitude is infectious and a far cry from most of the attendants on Air Canada who are, shall we say, past their due date.

Other news is that the Hillbilly is on a diet. Seems there's too much cholesterol in the critters I've been eatin'. So I paid someone $120 to tell me I can't eat what I want anymore, like cheese and shellfish, then popped on up to visit my in-laws who met me with a bowl full of deep-fried shrimp and plate of perogies (complete with all the fixings: melted butter, fried onions, bacon, and sour cream).

Also means more fiber in the diet which my body took some time to adjust to. After a couple of days of oatmeal and All Bran, I was re-enacting a key scene from The Exorcist, only the Ukrainian version (i.e. I wasn't expelling from my mouth). While I made my demonic noises on the toilet, Syd played the part of Father Merrin, waving a kielbasa at me and chanting, "The power of Christ comPELs you. The power of Christ comPELs you."

Should be a fun holiday

So I'm going through my monthly ritual of removing enough inserts from my Wired magazine to repaper my walls when one of them catches my eye. It's on brown paper with the caption "Nature is not negotiable...it's essential."

I'm used to these in Wired because the magazine is full of similar ads from companies that are desperate to convince you that their sole purpose is to atone for the rest of humankind's cold heartless treatment of the Earth. And if they make a little money on the side, well, gee, thanks a bunch but they weren't really expecting a reward.

This particular ad was for cigarettes. I had to read the whole thing to verify that: a) yes, it was for cigarettes, and b) no, I hadn't accidentally received an issue of Mad magazine by mistake.

After verifying that they were serious, I proceeded to enjoy several good chuckles at their expense. Here are some quotes:

• made with 100% certified organic tobacco
• the additive-free alternative (notice the lack of a "c" in "additive" because I'm sure many people didn't)
• No additives in our tobacco does NOT mean a safer cigarette (emphasis theirs)

And this entire paragraph which is abso-smurfly priceless:

In our effort to create exceptional products in a thoughtful and sustainable way, we've pioneered our own earth-friendly and organic tobacco growing programs and committed to renewable energy sources, including wind power and reforestation.

On a tobacco ad! Isn't that pure gold? Wind power! Reforestation! Earth-friendly! These are clearly people of integrity to want to save the Earth so badly that they're willing to sacrifice your life to do so. And you have to give them credit for being able to use the word "sustainable" in a cigarette ad without cracking a smile.

On a final note, on the back of the ad was the following quotation: "Do you know what you're smoking?" Which, appropriately enough, is a variation on: "What the &*%$ are you smoking?"