Somewhere along the line, I turned into my father. Well, truth be told, I’ve managed to take the more “interesting” traits of both my mother and father and merge them into a personality that most sociologists didn’t think was scientifically possible. But for the purposes of this post(ulation), the hypothesy is that I’ve turned into my father and I will give some proof to back up my assertion (sorry, I recently started back into the mathematics world but that’s the subject of another post). And the proof is my bottom lip. Those of you in the know have probably figured out where this is going. But we’ll digress a little into child rearing techniques. Keep your shirts on, this is going somewhere.
Syd is a normal five-year-old girl insomuch that she has developed a five-year-old’s streak of stubbornness at times (augmented by her mother’s genetics). When it first surfaced, I tried doing the 00s thing and tried to make her aware of her behaviour and the negative impact it was having on our social being. Then I tried the 90s thing and attempted to reason and compromise with her. Then I did the 80s thing and offered her money to do what I wanted. Finally, I went through a 60s phase where I just let her do what she wanted (I’m among the many who refuse to acknowledge that the 70s existed).
Where my father comes in is in my newest technique. When Syd started showing signs of rebellion, I used to send her to her room calmly and quietly. She didn’t like it but she never disobeyed. Until recently. That’s when my bottom lip started disappearing. I know from personal experience that one of the most feared expressions on a father is when his bottom lip disappears and he starts speaking through his teeth. My brothers will back that up. The first time I did it was quite by instinct:
Kyle (calmly): “Syd, go to your room”
Syd (not so calmly): “NO!”
Kyle (incredulously): “I’m sorry, what?”
Syd (less calmly): “NO!”
This is the point where instinct kicked in. The lip vanished, the teeth slammed shut, and I heard someone say in my voice, slowly: “I said, go to your room”. The response was absolutely stunning. From the first word, she jumped three feet in the air and was halfway up the stairs before I finished the sentence. Not sure what nerve that expression touches but if it’s not patented, I plan to make a lot of money from it.